Someone once defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  I’m thinking that this person had kids.

In our house, we experience insanity roughly every 29 minutes.  It usually comes in the form of one child doing something to annoy another child, which results in the offended child actually repeating the behavior verbatim so he can demonstrate what it was that annoyed him so badly.

Being the voyeuristic blog reader you are, I’m sure you’d like an example.  Being the accommodating blog writer I am, I’m happy to oblige.

Let’s say that Child 1 is engaging in an activity that requires intense concentration, such as watching Drake and Josh.  Never mind that the child just watched the same episode an hour before on one of the other 72 Nickelodeon channels that has somehow invaded our TV set.  Never mind that this is only one of two Drake and Josh episodes that have ever been produced.  Ever.  It’s as if the producer said, “Hey, let’s create a TV show that has zero plot, whiny stereotypical characters, and all the elements of entertainment that would cause a parent to want to take one of those old fashioned cheese slicers and slowly kill themselves one centimeter at a time.  And let’s only create TWO episodes so that there’s no variety whatsoever!”  (To which the other producer replies, “And then let’s create a spinoff from the most vapid character on the show, and that series will only have ONE episode which airs 24 hours a day!”)

So anyway, Child 1 is watching the episode entitled Drake And Josh Get Into A Fight But Then Realize That Even Though They Are Step-Brothers, They Really Make A Good Team, But Not Before Drake Signs A Deal With A Major Record Label And Then Gets The Girl.  Child 2, deciding that the house is entirely too peaceful, will then enter the room, walk right up into the Personal Space of Child 1, and say, “AYYY-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-whoop-whoop-WHOOP.”

This gets the attention of Child 1, which is surprising, since up to this point not even the house burning down around him and live unicorns prancing past the couch can tear him away from the exciting portion of the episode where Josh finally finds a girl who will return his love, but then Drake steals her away.

Then Child 1, obviously annoyed, proceeds to move towards whatever parent is closest, and he says, “[Insert Child 2’s name here] just came up to me while I was minding my own business and he goes* ‘AYYY-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-whoop-whoop-WHOOP.’  That’s so annoying!”

(*Important note: my children apparently never “say” anything.  They always “go” something.  They must be more mobile than I give them credit for.)

While the parent in question is pondering the oddity of a child repeating what annoyed him mere nanoseconds ago, Child 3, who had previously been spending time in western Montana, suddenly feels a disturbance in the force and materializes on the scene, where he immediately inserts himself into the conversation:

“You mean [insert Child 2’s name here] went ‘AYYY-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-whoop-WHOOP.’?”

Child 1 then replies: “No!  You never listen!  He didn’t go, ‘AYYY-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-whoop-WHOOP.’  There were three whoops, as in ‘AYYY-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-whoop-whoop-WHOOP.’  And it’s so annoying.

And that’s my life.  I’m sure that there’s some sort of parallel that I could now draw for guest services within the church, but frankly I’ve just annoyed myself so much that I’m going to go find my cheese slicer.