You Can Get Here From There

It’s time, dear readers, for the semi-every-other-little-while list of weird search terms…those odd descriptors that people typed into Google and ended up right here on ye olde blogge. (No extra charge for today’s British flair!)

Here are the actual search terms, followed by bonus commentary…

• What to say on Fridays (How about, “Hey!  This ain’t Wednesday!”)
• Difference between stuff and staff (Hint: just one letter, Einstein.)
• Fellow believers who “get on your last nerve” (I sense a church split brewing here.)
• Sick and twisted (Thank you.  I do my best.)
• Electric razor for a St. Bernard  (Ummmm…I got nothin’.)

Want to see the other list?  Check it.

 

St. Francis of Assisi Revisited

Preach the gospel at all times.  When necessary, use words.

But don’t use your words obnoxiously, or shout them while you’re 30,000 feet in the air.

And definitely DO NOT pause from using your shouting words in order to bite fellow humans on the leg.

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Bible Quoting Passenger Causes Delta Plane Diversion
Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A Delta airliner en route from Seattle to Atlanta made an unscheduled stop in Nashville after a passenger reportedly began quoting Bible passages. No one was hurt.

According to a police arrest warrant, “The suspect would not allow the person sitting next to him to leave her seat to use the restroom. The suspect kept telling her that his blood would be on her and he was not going to let her leave no matter what happened. Several passengers restrained the suspect and the suspect attempted to bite one of the passengers in the leg.“

[Read the full article on Fox News.]

 

Makes (No) Sense to Me!

On the way to school this morning, my boys and I were talking about the news that General Motors will shut down it’s Saturn line later this year.  I was explaining the impact this would have on many friends and even some family members back home in Middle Tennessee (home to Saturn’s manufacturing plant).  Here’s how the rest of the conversation went down with my 12 year old:

Austin: So why are they shutting it down?

Me: Well buddy, my thoughts would be that they weren’t making the money they needed to off of that particular brand [insert three minute lesson on supply and demand here].  So, they are just going to stop making the car.

Austin: Man, WHAT is going on with this economy?  First it’s Saturn, and then the phone companies are buying each other, and Tony Stewart doesn’t drive for Home Depot anymore!

Ummm…yeah.  That’s the natural progression I made, as well.  But this kid is in the gifted program, so somewhere in that genius brain I’m sure it made sense.

Any of you care to connect the dots?

 

I’m Not The Best Parent, But…

…at least I’ve never sat by while one of my children sang a song that included the words, “I shot a man just to watch him die.”

Still, she’s so cute when she says it.  Check it out:

Thanks to Amy Kendall for the tip!

 

Yet Another Reason To Go To Church

From NYPost.com:

A New York city teen came face-to-fang with a 3-foot boa constrictor Sunday that slithered uninvited into the youngster’s home — a jarring confrontation that had the whole family in a panic.

“The snake was just staring at me,” said a shaken Kareem Lewis, 18.*

The close encounter came around 10 a.m., when Lewis was waking up in the family’s first-floor apartment on Sherman Avenue.

“I started to panic when he started to slither at me,” said Lewis, whose mom was at church.**

The teen called 911, and police held the snake inside a pillowcase until animal control arrived.***

Lewis guessed that the snake slithered in through a window.****

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Here are my thoughts:

*Maybe Spence’s post wasn’t an urban legend, after all.  That dude was getting sized up!

**See there?  If you had gotten up off your Star Wars’ sheets at your mom’s house and gotten to the Lord’s house, you could have averted disaster.

***No word on whether the pillowcase was soaked with Kareem’s fear-induced urine.

****Yeah, that would be the first thing I would think about too.  I mean, it’s New York City.  Three foot snakes crawl in through windows all the time.

 

Reasons I Like My Job, #541:

If you weren’t in Sunday’s worship service at Brier Creek, the following won’t make much sense to you.  Sorry…come back tomorrow.

Tuesday morning I discovered that I was responsible for David Thompson nearly having heart failure.  After guest speaker Afshin Ziafat brought the heat last Sunday, I made the following remark from the stage:

“If you’d like to meet Afshin personally, he’ll be down at the front after the service.  Come on up and talk to him so you can tell your grandchildren you touched the original Turban Cowboy.”

The good Rev. Thompson missed the first few minutes of Afshin’s message where he referred to himself by that moniker, so David didn’t know I was quoting Afshin, he just thought I was making stuff up on the spot.  (How dare he…like I ever do that.)  My sources tell me that Thompson went white as a ghost and looked like he was going to lose his breakfast (brown sugar and cinnamon oatmeal), double Afshin’s honorarium to cover my insults, and tell J.D. that a trained seal would have been a better pick for Campus Pastor.

Ahhh…I’m glad my reputation precedes me.

 

Clayton King ≠ South African Leader

Yesterday my family and I had the privilege of going to lunch with Gaston and his family and Clayton King, who headlined this weekend’s Nexus Project and spoke at the Summit on Sunday morning.

As we were leaving the restaurant my eleven-year old, who has a thing for hobnobbing with the rich and powerful, said, “Dad, is Clayton King famous?”

I replied, “Well sure, he’s more famous than the Beatles.”

“Seriously?”

“Ummm…no.”

Then he said, “What about Carl Cartee?  Is he more famous than him?”

Since I’m pretty sure Carl has never and will never read this blog, I said, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure he’s more famous than Carl Cartee.”

We kept driving for a few minutes, and then my son…my somewhat intelligent son who the last time I checked is in the gifted program…spoke again:

“Dad, is he more famous than Nelson Mandela?”

 

Best Quote of Christmas Vacation

The setting: Christmas morning, pulling up into my parents’ driveway.

From the back seat, Austin, my eleven year old who – the last time I checked – is in the gifted program at his school, says…

“Man, Jesus was lucky!  His birthday came on Christmas day!”

It seems as though his seminary trained pastor father has failed him.  Good luck, Jeremy.  I’m turning the kid over to you.

 

Ya Think?

Overheard in the Summit offices last week…

Bethany:  Does anyone know the name of that Mexican restaurant over by Carolina Ale House in Brier Creek?

Rick:  Ummm…it’s El something.

By golly, I think he may be right.