THIS IS(n’t) IT

Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not a culture-hater.  True, I don’t always understand the culture (who is this Miley Montana chick, and why is she on my TV/radio/lip gloss tube/oh-wait-I-meant-to-say-brass-knuckles?) but I don’t hate the culture.  I’m not scanning the airwaves trying to find some cartoon character to push out of the closet, I don’t picket outside of stores that sell cigarettes, and I attend Disney movies with reckless abandon.  I never have found the verse where Jesus says, “A new commandment I give unto you: Boycott one another” although I’m sure it’s in there because some Christians have raised it to an art form.  I get really ticked at Christians who believe the Devil is behind everything that comes out of Hollywood.  In fact, I’m far more prone to make fun of Christian culture than anything else.

But today marks a very strange moment on the world stage.  Today we’re witnessing the debut of the most-hyped movie of 2009, starring the most-hyped celebrity of my generation.  And today, I gotta tell you…I’m a little weirded out by some of the overt Christ-figurish stuff that I’m seeing applied to the King of Pop.

Last week was when I first heard Michael Jackson’s new single.  He referred to himself as the “light of the world.”  The movie trailer is full of references to his amazing presence, the hope his music gives, and the fact that he is “at the center” of everything.  The movie poster itself evokes images of the crucified Jesus.

I’ll just go ahead and say it: what you’re seeing is the truest picture of worship you may ever see this side of heaven.  It’s unheralded devotion.  People overcome with emotion.  Hordes with voices raised, hands lifted, tears streaming.

Horrible god.

Amazing worship.

MJ was an incredibly gifted musician: I won’t deny that.  But he makes for an incredibly bad savior.  His life was as remarkable and enchanted and weird as they come, but in the end, he couldn’t save himself.  He needed the true Savior to do that for him.

Do I believe that Jackson thought of himself as God or as a Christ-figure?  No, I really don’t believe that.  But I wholeheartedly believe that there are people treat him as if he was.  Or is.

Michael Jackson is certainly alive somewhere forever, just as we all will be one day.  If your hope is in Jesus, that “somewhere” is in heaven.  If it’s in the other king – the one who couldn’t save himself – my prayer is that you’ll realize you need a Savior just as he did.  Because in the end, this world and its idols just isn’t it.

 

 

You Can Get Here From There

It’s time, dear readers, for the semi-every-other-little-while list of weird search terms…those odd descriptors that people typed into Google and ended up right here on ye olde blogge. (No extra charge for today’s British flair!)

Here are the actual search terms, followed by bonus commentary…

• What to say on Fridays (How about, “Hey!  This ain’t Wednesday!”)
• Difference between stuff and staff (Hint: just one letter, Einstein.)
• Fellow believers who “get on your last nerve” (I sense a church split brewing here.)
• Sick and twisted (Thank you.  I do my best.)
• Electric razor for a St. Bernard  (Ummmm…I got nothin’.)

Want to see the other list?  Check it.

 

Get Lanny on Leno!

We interrupt our regularly scheduled Friday programming to bring you the social experiment of the decade.  And by “decade,” I mean today.  Or right at this very moment.  Whatever.

This is not the social experiment where I stand in the middle of Highway 70, pointing up at the sky, trying to get commuters to look and then wait for the ensuing 68 car pileup.  No, this is of much greater value than that, and believe it or not, even more entertaining.

My close, personal friend Lanny Donoho is trying to get on The Jay Leno Show.  Now, for those of you who have heard of Lanny, you are now convinced that I am blowing smoke that he’s a close, personal friend.  After, all, the “CPF” tag is what Unknown Christians always say about Professional Christians, such as Lanny.  But I’ve known this guy since I was a teenager and he was drawing his first Social Security check.  I have his cell number (not that he ever answers) and he has mine (which explains the late night crank calls).  We did a tour in ‘Nam together.  His oldest son’s name is Andrew and my name is Danny and the first three letters of each of our names are the same which means that he named his son after me.  And once I asked him, “Lanny, settle it once and for all: am I your close personal friend?”  And I can almost be positive that he said yes.  And now that he’s 122 years old, I want to help him gain a national audience.

Editor’s Note: Tell ‘em why you really want to help him.

Because I got a direct message from him on Twitter early Friday morning questioning my allegiance to our friendship because I haven’t stepped up to the plate on this social experiment thing and he also may or may not have said disparaging things about my mother.

If you don’t know Lanny, he’s a big deal in the world.  He’s the host of Catalyst, a big-deal gathering of thousands of leaders who get together annually to groom their goatees and compare fashion tips about shirts with embroidered dragons on them.  He’s founded a slew of organizations designed to bring relevance to the church, purpose to the lives of teenagers, and relief to other countries in the world.  And that last accomplishment is exactly the reason he wants to be on Leno.  Lanny is part of a couple of organizations called 143million.org and 410Bridge, which is changing the face of Africa and around the world.

Which brings us back to the social experiment.  At this very moment there are 13,000 people attending Catalyst in Atlanta, and Lanny has every last one of ‘em tweeting #lannyonleno.  The hope is that Leno’s people will take note of Thursday’s Twitter crash (coincidence?  I think not.) and bring Lanny on to the show, where he will display his collection of falcons and poisonous snakes.

Editor’s Note: I think you’re thinking of Jack Hanna.

Right you are.  Lanny will be telling a nationwide audience about how they can be involved in bringing hope to Africa, which I think is a pretty darn worthy goal.  So for the next 24 hours I’m going to participate in a hourly tweet-off, where I toss #lannyonleno into every last tweet.  If you’re a twit on Twitter, I need you to re-tweet those things, and make up your own, so that we can push #lannyonleno to a Twitter trend and get this guy on the show.  In return, I expect nothing except maybe for Lanny to tell people that I took a creative approach and they should follow me on Twitter and maybe invite me to fly to New York with him and perhaps take back some of the mean and nasty comments he may or may not have made.

So that’s it.  Check out Lanny’s site and subscribe to his feed, and enjoy the next 24 hours.  If you need me, I’ll be on Highway 70 pointing at the sky.

 

Bible Doctrines Explained

I’m so thankful for folks like this who can clear up the doctrine of the Trinity, because apparently I’ve been wrong this whole time.  Nothing says “biblical faithfulness” like bathrobes, 24 inch goatees, and electric guitars.

Rock on, anti-Trinitarian biblically-illiterate Jesus-disbelieving heretical weird rocker grandpa dudes.  Rock on.

 

Balcony People

Back in the day when I was a Student Pastor, I used to have a pocket full of illustrations for students.  You know the ones…the cutesy little gems that you’d whip out whenever times got tough and kids needed a pick-me-up:

• Did you guys know that no two snowflakes are alike?  That means you’re unique and special…um…just like everyone else.
• There was a fat king who was dethroned by his brother, and his brother put him in a prison cell with no door.  But he’d give him all he wanted to eat, and so the fat king was imprisoned by his own belly.  So the moral is…um…don’t eat too much.

But maybe one of my favorite – and somewhat serious – illustration was balcony people and basement people.  I’m sure this isn’t original with me, but I’m equally sure that I couldn’t tell you who I stole it from.  But as I told my junior highers, every one of us have these two types of people in our lives.

Basement people are those that suck the life out of you.  They drag you down to the lower levels of life.  They take and take and take and rarely give.  They are capable of draining sunshine from the Sahara in August.  I’m convinced that God gives us basement people because (a) we need to love those people, even though sometimes we want to push them off a cliff, and (b) they make the balcony people look so doggone sweet.

Balcony people are the bright spots of our lives.  They are the ones that infuse you with energy, that call you to new levels of ministry, service, and devotion to God, and sometimes they smell like daisies.  You always walk away encouraged, always walk away challenged, and always walk away inspired to be a balcony person to somebody else.

Can you identify the basement and balcony people in your life?  You need both.  And more importantly, ask yourself: “Am I calling people up, or dragging them down?”

Smell like a daisy.  Don’t drain the sunshine.  And if you want to do that around me, that’s cool…because I’m all about some balcony peeps.

 

Be Still And Know…

Alarm clock snooze button I can’t believe it’s time to get up stumble through stubbed toe brew coffee spill coffee curse coffee bless coffee open Bible study Bible pray…

Be still and know that I am God.

…grab a shower shave nick face nothing is ironed broke a shoelace hurry up kids pack lunch where’s the dog sign permission form what do you mean you didn’t do your homework we’re so late get in the car tear out of the driveway how could you possibly forget your lunch…

Be still and know that I am God.

…carpool stop fighting move ahead quick prayer have a great day hugs okay no hugs fist bumps you’re not too old to say I love you here’s your algebra book peace and quiet nothing on the radio start the commute hey where’d you get your license are you kidding me what are they stopping for what red light gas light I just filled up gas prices are ridiculous spilled gas on pants car stinks…

Be still and know that I am God.

…in the office inbox overflows I just emptied it yesterday where are they all coming from look at schedule too much on schedule can’t reschedule can’t get it all done have to get it all done return phone call return e-mail more e-mail into meeting out of meeting assignment from meeting another meeting you’re kidding me please no more meetings let’s have a meeting about the meeting…

Be still and know that I am God.

…fire fighting put it out another one starts you’re upset about what I’m so sorry we’ll get it fixed lunchtime time to breathe time to eat turkey sandwich again bread is soggy not another cup of yogurt sick of yogurt want a milkshake is it time to go home yet oh great another meeting…

Be still and know that I am God.

…reverse commute outta my way gotta get home oh wait I forgot ballgame tonight reverse course head to ballpark kid up to bat kid strikes out coach won’t put kid in mad at coach sad for kid why’d we even sign up it’s cold I forgot to eat dinner ballpark hot dogs are gross what’s in the fridge at home…

Be still and know that I am God.

…finally home shoes are off dog is hyper dishes to wash laundry to do homework to forget don’t forget that homework test tomorrow are you kidding me it’s an hour past your bedtime so help me if I have to tell you again what do you mean you forgot to take a shower…

Be still and know that I am God.

…time on couch hang out with bride compare schedules not enough time we’re double booked want to watch TV nothing on TV let’s just go to sleep can’t sleep stare at ceiling too much going on how many more e-mails want to sleep late can’t sleep late forgot about early meeting…

Be still and know that I am God.

 

The Nines In The Can

If you’re not a church nerd, you might have missed The Nines yesterday, a free online conference sponsored by Leadership Network. The premise: dozens of leaders sharing nine minutes of their best stuff, all day long on 9.9.09.  And it started at 9:09.  Boom.

We had the conference broadcasting live here somewhere in the bowels of the Summit offices, but I never made it in there because dang it, I was busy.  As a matter of fact, I caught about nine seconds worth of material all day long, but two of the three speakers I caught were D.C. CoffeeBishop Mark Batterson and our very own Pastor J.D. Greear.

Here’s the awesome part of these two guys’ videos: they both apparently strolled down to Olan Mills for their video shoot and asked for the “Corner Bookshelf” backdrop (second in popularity only to the “Fireplace By Snowy Window” backdrop).

Great job on keeping the bookshelf alive, gentlemen.  Take that, Kindle.

Oh, and I’m officially announcing my own leadership event for next year, featuring people slightly better looking than J.D. Greear.  I’m calling it “The Tens.”  Stay tuned.

 

9.9.09

~sigh~  I’ve succumbed to being gimmicky on this blog and talking about what all other bloggers are talking about today.

Editor’s Note: You succumbed way before now.  Don’t kid yourself.

Today is 9.9.09.  What does that mean?  For one, it means that I was two hours and nine minutes later in posting today than I normally am, because I wanted to post at 9:09 on 9.9.09.  And just in case this is the REAL computer crash we’ve all been waiting for, I brought a big sack of grain to work with me.

It also means that…

• Negative Germans have a lot to be thankful for.
• People who stand on their heads while reading the Left Behind series will be freaked out all. Day. Long.
• Our very own Pastor J.D. will be a part of The Nines Conference, which you can view free online here.
• At 9:09 tonight, I plan to eat 9 of something.  Suggestions?
• There are only 396 more days until I can succumb to gimmickry again.

 

Christology…On Your Side

I was pretty excited to get this in the mail last week.  It opened all sorts of new possibilities for the weekend.

…just kidding, of course.  But I found it fascinating that Nationwide is employing religious terminology in their marketing.  It’s not too much of a stretch, though.  Because Nationwide is a direct competitor with Allstate, and Allstate’s spokesman is Dennis Haysbert, and Dennis Haysbert used to play President David Palmer on 24, and the central character of 24 is Jack Bauer, whom everyone knows is a Christ figure.  So see?  It all makes sense.

I had a lot of fun with this envelope.  What about you?  What’s your caption?

 

Idea Infusion

Dear Readers:

For the last several weeks, I have been busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest.  Staff retreats, speaking engagements, new interns, new service times, and fielding calls from congress asking for my help in drafting a national health care policy have taken up way too much time.  Because of that, the creativity level on the ol’ blog has suffered.

Insert mental image of a blog sitting on the side of a street corner, ribs exposed, holding a hat out for spare change, here.

So here’s what I’m asking: I need your ideas.  I crave your ideas.  What do you want to read about?  Pontificate on?  Mercilessly taunt me with?  Your ideas are like little golden nuggets that you search for at the State Fair but never find because it’s a State Fair rip-off, and if ever I needed ‘em, now’s the time.

So step up.  Comment below.  And realize that no suggestion will go unheeded, unheralded, or unapproved…unless it’s that suggestion from that guy.  Yep, you know who you are.  Don’t even try it.

I’ll be judging the comments as they come in, and most creative suggestions win a copy of my latest book, … um … okay, so I don’t have a latest book.  So you get nothin.’  But still, comment.  Come on…you can do it.  Here are some ideas to get you started:

• Behind the scenes on Sunday morning
• Why does the Summit do _____?
• Please yell at us about volunteering.  We like that.
• Dish the dirt on Pastor _____.
• Tell us about the mouse.

(By the way, I’ll tell you about the mouse on Friday.  I promise.)